If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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