he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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