wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
