She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
