what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
