I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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