wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
