it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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