someone threw a dead crab at me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
