going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You were trust falling into bushes
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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