Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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