Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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