"it" just moved
I cockslap morals
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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