I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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