and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
