I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
