I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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