I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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