guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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