when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
