Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
