I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
