Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
