I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
