He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
