we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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