I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
