My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
