you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
