Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
