if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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