It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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