if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
