and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
