I want to stick my p in your. b.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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