i jhust puked up my retainher.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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