She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
