I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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