i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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