I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
