He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
