He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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