i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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