I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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