I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
