Plan B is the new Plan A
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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