OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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