I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
