i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We left an ass print on the piano.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
