Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
