I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
