My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
