Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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