Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
