My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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