i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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